


Patches

by tenmillionotters



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Adoption, Angst, Found Family, Parental Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-23
Updated: 2018-05-23
Packaged: 2019-05-13 03:06:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14740859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tenmillionotters/pseuds/tenmillionotters
Summary: While she spent her days surrounded by children who could go back home to their families, she wondered what he did. Did he feel guilty? Did he think of her mama and her papa? Probably not. There was an anger in the pit of her stomach that weighed her down.





	Patches

It felt as if the world faded to white for a moment. It was a blank canvas. It was quiet. 

The next thing he knew were the sounds of quiet raindrops. They turned into a thunderstorm. His mouth opened and he screamed. 

**RETREAT! EVERYONE RETREAT!**

He couldn’t hear his own voice. His throat hurt and he didn’t make a sound. His eyes were too tired to see, but he couldn’t turn away from the scene before him. He could still feel his friends elbows ram into his ribcage. He watched them die. 

As every morning the alarm clock rang at 5 AM. One more hour until Akira had to get up. He got used to this new morning routine quickly, he rushed into the bathroom and prepared himself for the day. Then he snuck into the kitchen and prepared her breakfast. She didn’t want to eat with him so he ate on his way to work. 

She didn’t even want to be here to begin with, but there was no way he would let her become part of the system. She was only a little child, she didn’t understand anything yet. 

… that’s what he would have liked to make himself believe, but he knew it was merely wishful thinking. She was a bright child, she was just as quick witted as her father. Akira knew exactly what was happening, she knew what had happened. 

Sometimes she woke up at night and began crying for them, he was too ashamed to console her, she didn’t want him to. 

The clock struck 6. It was time to wake her up. The flat was merely big enough for him alone, now he slept in the living room between moving boxes, until they could move into a bigger flat, one that was closer to the kindergarten and the schools. 

The little girl already sat up, but she wasn’t waiting for him. When he opened the door she brushed past him and ran into the bathroom. She was merely tall enough to reach the sink, she got creative. She could take care of herself, that’s what she would have liked to make herself believe, but she knew that she was reliant on an adult that would guide her. 

Everyone would be welcome. Anyone but him. 

Akira didn’t like looking at him, so he brushed her hair while she ate breakfast. It didn’t taste good. She didn’t allow herself to like it. It was bitter and salty, she stared at the bear shaped toast and felt her stomach turn. Mama and Papa never put the extra time and effort into her meals, but she knew they made them with all the love they could give her. 

No matter how pretty he made her food look, he would never be able to give her back what he took from her. 

“What would you like to eat for dinner, Akira-chan?” 

“... who said I’m coming back here, I want to go home.” 

She always said things like that, he wouldn’t stop her. She had every right to. He quietly packed her backpack and cleaned the kitchen while she put her coat on. It was hard to put on her shoes herself but the less he did for her the better. She wouldn’t let him make up for it, he deserved to feel the same pain she felt. 

“Are you ready to go?”

“...” 

The door fell shut behind her and she began to shiver, in moments like this mama would have held her hand, but mama wasn’t here anymore. Akira quietly shoved her small hands into pockets and began to walk in front of him. She didn’t want to be seen with him, it was a long way to her kindergarten, he always dropped her off and wished her a good day. She never replied. 

While she spent her days surrounded by children who could go back home to their families, she wondered what he did. Did he feel guilty? Did he think of her mama and her papa? Probably not. There was an anger in the pit of her stomach that weighed her down. 

So much it was hard to eat dinner. 

She stared at the food and felt a lump in her throat, it were words she wanted to say but she didn’t know how. 

“Do you like it, Akira-chan?” 

“... no.” 

It was disgusting. Cooking her favourite dinner wouldn’t make it better either, it wouldn’t bring them back, “I wish you would have died instead of mama and papa.” 

She heard glass shatter, he didn’t move, he didn’t make a sound. It crept on her, the realisation of the words she just uttered, they still lingered in the air. 

“Me too. I am sorry.” 

It was all he said before he left the room. Akira stared at her dinner, all of the sudden the sinking feeling her stomach changed, it got heavier. 

2 months had passed, 2 months in which the cuts on his hands had slowly healed. 2 months in which he had learned to braid her hair. 2 months of him sleeping on the sofa between the moving boxes until they could move into a bigger flat.

It was the first time that Akira had to prepare herself for bed alone, she didn’t know where he went but for the first time in 2 months he didn’t tug her in. He didn’t say goodnight. She felt her small body shiver under her blanket, hugging the bear tighter that he had given her for comfort when she had her first nightmare. 

She barely slept two hours before she got up. She wasn’t thirsty or hungry but she felt restless. Her small feet tapped through the wooden hallway and she stopped hearing noise coming from the kitchen. Did someone come to visit? 

Akira peaked around the corner and spotted a strange man. She had seen him before, he worked at the same place as mama, papa and Marude-san. He was tall and scary. 

“She really said that to you…?”

“Mhm…”

“Maru… don’t cry… hey…”

When was the last time someone hugged her? She squeezed her bear tighter and ran off to bed. When was the last time she cried? She didn’t remember, but now it didn’t matter anymore. 

She was woken up by a soft knocking noise. She quickly slipped out of her bed and ran towards the door, she needed to apologise, but once she opened the door she stared into an unfamiliar face. 

“Who are you?”

“I’m Kiyoko, it’s nice to meet you Akira-chan,” she had a warm voice, she seemed to be kind, but this wasn’t right. 

“Where is Marude-san…?”, it was the first time in months that she wanted to see him, she needed to apologise, it was urgent. 

“Itsuki-kun… Marude-san had to leave early today, he asked me to take care of you until he comes back.” 

“Oh…”, did he leave her because of the mean things she said? She knew that she had been bad, she had never thanked him, all she did was blame him for her misery. 

Kiyoko-san was kind and warm, she knew exactly how to take care of her like a mother, but… it didn’t feel right. Akira stared at her toast and chewed on the crust, she didn’t like it, so Marude-san always cut it off for her… but Kiyoko-san didn’t know. 

Even though she really did her best it didn’t feel right, small things about the big picture were off and wrong when Marude-san didn’t take care of it. 

It was getting colder outside, Kiyoko-san carefully tied her shoes and wrapped a thick scarf around her neck, she hadn’t seen that one before. “Itsuki-kun said you were freezing yesterday so he got you these,” she carefully put a hat on Akira’s small head and helped her put on a new set of gloves. 

“... why did he do that…” 

“Because he cares about you,” she gently patted the little girl’s head adjusting her hat, “Both of you lost something very important that day, Akira-chan.” 

All she could do was nod, she only wanted to see her own position in this, she wanted to blame someone for her misery when she didn’t even understand the consequences it had for everyone around her. 

The door fell shut and it sounded wrong too, her eyes felt cloudy as she watched Kiyoko-san walk towards her. It wasn’t right. 

“Auntie… I think I did something bad…”, she held onto Kiyoko’s hand tightly, “I told Marude-san I wish he was dead and not my parents…” 

Silence followed and Kiyoko-san squeezed her little hand a little tighter, “That was really a bad thing to say, Akira-chan. I know you’re sad and upset but so was everyone else too, what happened wasn’t Itsuki-kun’s fault. He tried to stop them… you know, the work they did and we do, means that we can always lose something, it could be anything... even our lives.” 

So mama and papa left her behind…? “Why couldn’t he stop them…”

“Sometimes things don’t work out the way we want them too, even if it hurts… and believe me it hurts him too”, she wanted to be honest, there was no reason why she should lie to Akira, “He’s already feeling guilty enough, but he’s trying to be strong for you, so you can grief… be a little kinder to him. Can you do that for me?” 

The little girl nodded lightly and sniffed. She had already lost her parents, if she would also lose her godfather now she’d have nobody to rely on and this time it would be her own fault. 

Kiyoko kneeled down in front of her as they reached the gates of the kindergarten and smiled, “You still have a chance to make up for it, you know sometimes people say mean things when they’re angry without thinking about the consequences. Just knowing you’re sorry for what you said will be enough for him to know you’re not serious.” 

But would he even bother to come back and pick her up? What if he’d send one of the adults that almost took her with them the first time? She didn’t want to go to the orphanage. 

But if she had to it was her own fault… 

In the evening she was the last one to leave the building, she was scared of seeing who came to picked her up. She carefully put on her warm clothes, she had to make sure that she didn’t lose any piece if they would take her somewhere else. These were hers. 

She lowered her head and stomped towards the gates, she was fighting with tears of frustration and anger over her own behaviour. She sniffled and finally looked up, making peace with her fate. 

“Hello Akira-chan.” 

She ran towards the gate and stretched out her hand, it was the first time she wanted to hold Marude-san’s hand on the way home. Should she say she was sorry? He didn’t say anything. His hand was too big to hold for her, but it was reassuring. He tried his best for her, he wouldn’t be able to fill the void her parents left dead but still… 

“Papa…” 

“Hm?” 

“Can we eat pancakes for dinner? And can we eat together this time?” 

“Yes, of course we do.”


End file.
